Two scuba divers riding an underwater scooter - funny diving jokes and puns
What to expect for your first dive! Photo by Frans Daniels / Unsplash

Looking for some of the best (and worst!) scuba diving jokes? We’ve got you covered with funny scuba diving puns and diving jokes that will make you chuckle or at least, get a groan out of you! Either way, you’ll be the toast of the dive bar at the end of a sweet day of diving!

Or, you’ll be left solo-diving for the rest of the trip when your dive buddies hear how bad some of these scuba diving jokes are!

Best Scuba Diving Jokes

What’s the difference between a scuba instructor and a pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of 4.

What type of plant are you likely to see when exiting a shore dive on a rough day?

Face plant

A friend of mine has been offering me free Scuba Diving lessons for years now and has told me we can start next week.

I’m not going to hold my breath.

I had to quit my job as a deep sea diver instructor.

The pressure was too much.

What do you call a Norwegian scuba diver?

A fjord explorer.

Being a free diving instructor requires you to teach others how to hold their breath under water while not using scuba gear.

It’s a tankless job.

I just took my last dive as a scuba diving instructor.

Deep down, I realized it wasn’t for me.

Why Do Scuba Divers Fall Backwards Out of a Boat?

Because otherwise they’d fall into the boat!

Why Do Scuba Divers Dive Backwards
This meme is popular on Facebook and Reddit

Read More about this popular Meme and the real reasons why divers actually dive backward out of a boat!

Why did the stingray have a chat with the scuba diver?

He wanted to have a manta-man talk

When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving

He gives the water the bends.

My SCUBA instructor always stressed that you should never go diving alone.

If you have equipment problems, your buddy can help you. If you run out of air, your buddy can help you. If you meet an aggressive shark, your odds are 50-50 instead of 100%.

Two divers go spear fishing.

They catch a lot of fish and return to the shore. The first one says, “I hope you remember the spot where we caught all those fish.” The other answers, “Yes, I made an ‘X’ on the side of the boat to mark the spot.” “You idiot!” cries the first, “How do you know we will get the same boat tomorrow?”

Why do mermaids wear Sea Shells?

B Shells are too small!

I used to have a scuba diving business

But it went under.

I had a girlfriend that went scuba diving…

One day I lobster and never flounder again.

Did you realize that BOYLES law is actually an acronym?

Breath OYour Lungs Explode Stupid!

What do you call that warm spot in your wetsuit?

a Urinecline!

What type of Decompression Illness do very wealthy SCUBA divers get ?

Mercedes Bends.

How do you know if someone’s a scuba instructor?

Don’t worry, they’ll TELL you.

What lies on the bottom of the ocean and shakes???

A nervous wreck!

Why don’t skeletons tech dive?

They don’t have the guts!

How do get an octopus to laugh?

Ten tickles.

Why don’t sharks eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!

How do divers communicate?

They use speech bubbles.

What do you get when you combine a scuba diver with a janitor?

Jaques Coustodian!

Did you hear they crossed a snow man with a shark?

All they got was frost bite!

Which dog knows how to swim underwater?


A PADI Instructor, a NAUI Instructor and an SSI Instructor walk into a bar.

The bartender looks up and says, “What is this? Some kind of joke?”

Local dive shop has been closed for a few weeks now.

I’m worried they’ve gone under.

Was out diving once when I heard this wonderful singing.

Turned out it was a choral reef.

AND… the ONLY pickup line that might actually work:

Do you need a dive buddy?

Do you know of any good (or super bad) scuba diving jokes and diving puns? Let us know in the comments below!